Hey hey beautiful people,

A few days after sharing at the UN General Assembly showcase organised by the MOTH - which focused on vulnerability, resilience and hard work - I co facilitated an inner journey of a change maker class. The class covered the wound gift concept, vulnerability and fear (I might just be Brene Brown in the making with all these vulnerability sessions - PS: Vulnerability is more about strength and authenticity than it is about weakness). The week before the class, the lead facilitator sent the lesson plan and I was assigned two tasks. One was sharing my journey to practically explain the wound gift concept which basically (this is me watering it down) looks into how we turn wounds into gifts - for this class, changemaking type of gifts. My second task was do a ten minutes intro to the topic of fear and lead the fellows to share their barrier fears on 'the wall of fears'

Before I share more about the sessions, allow me to say - the class went well and I had planned to blog about it, even got some pictures but I wasn't feeling round to it (yes I am all about feelings)...well not until this evening after my meeting with FS. Our agenda was to discuss a project he is working on but ended up being an amaaaazing conversation about the process and trusting the process and wondering what the process is anyway? (keep reading)

Back to the class

When I was tasked with doing the introduction on fear, for a moment I had fear of fear just thinking that I will be talking about fear for ten minutes. Being an inner journey class I decided to look inwards, to really look at how I see fear...more of having a sit down with fear. As I looked in, I saw a lot but the ones that stood out - the need to be in a constant state of being, of doing, of being in charge and in control and the fear of succeeding or failing at it or not knowing how things will turn out. 

During this session, I shared where I am at in life - personally and professionally - which is in the grey...I am at that sorta kinda spot.  When I first realised I was here, fear checked in because being in the grey is not a job description you say out loud. I feared the grey in the beginning, I needed a job description, something that was a step higher than my last one 'multi award winning blogger and mental health crusader '

But as I questioned this fear of being in the grey and saw its roots, I also saw that I can either allow it to be a barrier fear that disables me or a healthy fear that propels me. As I sat with this fear and its roots and question what I really wanted in life, I realised that after seven years of full time self, national and international mental health advocacy, I didn't really want to up my job description...I just needed to time out and regroup... this realisation made me to start embracing the grey and its been smooth (mostly) from there.

That's why my meeting with FS was worth blogging about. He shared his journey and how he ended up with the current project he is prototyping which he said doesn't even have a business model - he is just going with the flow. As I left my meeting, I went home feeling good about how easily we talked about the process and trusting the process and being ok with not knowing what the process is (at times). Most of all I liked that our conversation was not ruled by the constant rat race of being something or being sure of the next steps but that it had the assurance of being ok with the grey...of trusting that there is a process even when we can't measure or touch or define it and most of all trusting in it. 

I believe in the world we live in, it takes a lot of vulnerability ( strength and authenticity) to say I don't know, I am not sure, I cannot afford, I don't have, I am not ready, not now.

Thank you FS for sharing of yourself and your journey and following things you liked doing but weren't doing because of chasing the grid but you have started doing - you inspired this post...here is to many more (posts and conversations). To everyone in the grey - enjoy it while it lasts, to everyone afraid of the grey - the cycle of life has us up then down then somewhere in between embrace each step and learn and grow or just chill in it, to everyone facing any kind of fear...check if it's propelling you or disabling you and also check it's roots then consciously work through it...wishing you all an amaaaazing week ahead and sending love and light as you discover gems and gifts hidden in wounds, moments of vulnerability and fears.

I can't leave within saying, thank you for the photos Magda